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Damian
Two hours later, the booze is leaving my bloodstream, and the pain I spent all night trying to wash away is returning. Full force, louder and louder.
Sara, Sahara, Sharna, whatever her name is, is sound asleep beside me, the sheet only half covering her partially naked body. Usually I have no problem convincing myself to use women for my own satisfaction. But these nights, the ones where the memory of what Kate and I shared crushes me to the bone, I’m reminded of who I am and how I never deserved her.
I work to push it away because Kate’s gone and she’s not coming back. I’ll never love someone the way I loved her, so it doesn’t matter who’s in my bed.
If I’m being honest though, what I feel right now is my own personal brand of punishment. The hangover that leaves me in shambles and more pain than when I set out.
This moment I crave more than the sex.
I suck in a deep breath, raking both my hands through my hair, and stare at the ceiling. I’d woken up to the sound of Kate’s voice in my head, softly reiterating her third wish.
“I wanna see the sun rise with you every morning for the rest of my life,” she’d said.
“That’s a whole lot of sunrises,” I told her. “Are you sure you can put up with me for that long?”
“That and longer. For always.”
The ghost of her face appears in front of me, her brown eyes so beautiful and tender, gazing at me like she’s actually here. The corner of her mouth pulls up into a grin. I reach out to touch her phantom cheek, and she closes her eyes to feel me.
“Always isn’t long enough,” I say into the darkness.
And then she fades away in the shadows of my memory.
1 comment:
Thank you!!!
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